Donkey Puncherelli

The time honoured tradition of stalking has gone too far. Your "crush" isn't cute when you put the object of your affection in harms way. Turns out RPattz has more things to worry about other than his hair. You can add rabid fans to his list of woes right under "humidity." Recently, RPattz escaped death (sadly, JK) when dodging a pack of TWI-LAMEs. Will they stop at nothing? Have they no shame?

How do you know when you've checked out of the normal world and become officially bonkers? When I stalk people, I prefer to do so from afar and with a pair of binoculars. I am old school like that. I have boundries and limits (although I will rummage through trash to find your hair and nail clippings to glue to the life sized doll I have of you).

According to the internet (a valid source), RPattz was recently grazed on the hip by a taxi cab as he escaped the clutches of "Girls Gone Twi-ld." It's o.k to bombard your fave celebs with pens and papers but chasing them into traffic is another ball game. I predict that sometime in the near future, we are going to hear about some crazed fan receiving messages from RPattz via photos snapped by the paparazzi. If that sounds familiar (or mostly creepy), you can thank one of the weird Miley Cyrus obsessed fans for that one.

Mark McLeod - Giver of candy, Lobster Hand Extraordinaire

Apparently, Mark McLeod "talks" to the Hannah Montana star and she responds to him in photos snagged by the paparazzi. I don't know. I guess if I was going to be obsessed with someone, it would be with someone who's father didn't have a mullet. I would like to point out the HUGE mitten, fit for a lobster, which he is wearing. I'm sorry, Mark, but Miley is so small a baby could grip her waste and still hold onto it's bottle.

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To this:

Jared Leto played a stalker in the film Chapter 27, based on the life of Mark David Chapman, stalker/murderer of John Lennon. I don't know if that counts. In a strange twist of events, the real Mark David Chapman has fallen in love with Lindsay Lohan, after she played his strange "lady friend" in the movie about his life. Apparently, Chapman has turned his home away from home into a shrine of sorts, dedicated to her coked out face. Maybe when he gets out, he can teach her how to eat and she get him on that "diet" she's on.

The world of the star obsessed is no doubt fun filled. We should all probably take a cue from the above crazies and just relax with our star obsessions. When your crush is running away from you, that probably means they want to be alone. When they file the restraining order, that means they need private time. Let's all play nice and not chase people into traffic.