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2012 - Nothing's Going To HappenHype is a strange beast. We are all used to music and clothing being co-opted for the sake of being the "next big thing." You would have never been into skinny jeans if you didn't buy them at Hot Topic. You know it, I know it, so get over it. Who would've guessed that all the hype nowadays is all about the end of times (again) and the movie 2012? I don't really even know where to start. I scoured the interwebz to find examples of Armageddon Prophecies and holy crap, THERE ARE SO MANY. From my research, I gather that in ye olde tymes, bearded olden men just sat around and conjured up random dates for the ending of the world.
Nostradamus - I can't see s**t. It seems that we can add a new seer of the future to this long list of FAIL: Roland Emmerich. The father of such films as Indepence Day (ERF - Welcome to it) and The Day After Tomorrow, Emmerich's new film plans to cash in on everyone's greatest fear, the end of the world as we know it. Actually, Emmerich really isn't going out on any limbs here with this film, so to call him a "seer of the future" is wrong. He, like much of Hollywood these days, is just taking an idea that has been around longer than he's been making bad movies and adding more needless melodrama that takes up time between the things we really want to see - the world falling apart. I don't know about you, but seeing Los Angeles swallowed whole really turns my crank.
Let's see how long this trailer will stay up.. This movie is probably going to be all filler, and not much killer. Someone (Discovery/National Geographic Channel - I'm looking at you) should get all scientific with this whole 2012 thing, take out all the melodrama (see trailer at 1:35), the boring orchestral soundtrack, and just show us everything falling apart. If 2012 does mean the end for all, I will have to delete this blog and e-cry a bunch of crocodile tears. Here are 12 things I plan to do before 2012 - 1. Sculpt a small child out of chocolate. 2. Eat said sculpture. 3. Traverse the globe. 4. Compose my meme-oirs, using only LoL-speak and photos. 5. Teach my dog to lay down. 6. Learn how to play the Alpenhorn (so I can play it as Los Angeles is leveled into a giant parking lot in 2012). 7. Eat a giant burrito. 8. Hang out with Lemurs. 9. Ride on a capibara. 10. Grow my moustache back out. 11. Get more tattoos. 12. Enter rehab, for the internet. What would you do if you found out you only had till 2012? Build yourself an Edward Cullen and be married on the astral plane? What's really going to happen in 2012? Let me know!
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2. Meet Nacho Figueras and play polo with him.
3. Not go to sleep until I listen to every song on my iPod.
4. Build an igloo.
5. Shave half of my head and get 5 foot long extensions on the other side.
6. Ride a llama.
7. Write a novel.
8. Learn the guitar, bass, alto sax and violin.
9. Direct a short movie.
10. Graduate.
11. Find a monkey that looks really close to Curious George and adopt him.
12. Tell everyone I'm close to what I really feel about them.
2. lean at the leaning tower of pissa
3. eat english muffin in england
4. watch sunset at ayres rock
5. eat hamburger at hamburg
6.GET LAID
7. get a tattoo with elrich
8. dance at a movies end credits
9. marry someone
10. divorce that someone
11. say fuck you a hundred times in aminute a la Christian Bale
12. wish that the world wont end at 2012
also if youre going to die youre going to die so SUCK THE MARROW OUT OF LIFE
but what if the world wont end and nin will reunite? ;P
that was actually sad but good thing is they went here in the Phils before they waved goodbye so I was able to get hold of trent reznors pick.
OH DEAR GOD, WE'RE SO FUCKING DEAD!!!
@starlor - that would explain my sudden ability to never die.
Anyway, because I have foreseen this doom for over a century, I have been preparing a colony on Venus. It is, quite literally, a land of flowing milk and honey. But there's also Texas cheese toast, and banana nut muffins. When I fly my space craft to this colony in 2011, I will bring more provisions- and a magician to keep me company while I laugh at the Earth in its great explodey doom.
2. Send Stephanie Meyer an envelope of glitter. Exploding glitter.
3. Drink 5 bottles of Ketchup
4. Adopt a Chinese baby girl!
5. Paint a large bullseye in my town for those meteor things
6. Preach about end of the world dressed as a blind priest
7. Get a ridiculously awesome tattoo
8. Burst through an evangelical christian sermon thing, singing "Gay Bar", dressed as a kinky devil
9. Adopt a chihuahua
10. Change my accent to a Southern American one, because the accent they have on True Blood are sexy.
11. Complete my list of wants of plastic surgery. Then laugh at my non-plastic friends (note; I will not have an expression because I will, of course, have shitloads of botox)
12. Release a heavily auto-tune song about scene kids and crunk. And it will be shit. But it will get fans because I will have HUGE hair.